If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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