I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
