You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
