Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
