Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This is not my ceiling
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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