I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
