And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
