I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
