Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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