What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
