Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
