Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
