Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
