OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
