so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
