I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
