we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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