They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
