id be glad to
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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