I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I intend to get homeless drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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