you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
