Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i believe in u and ur pee
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
