Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
