Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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