I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
