No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How external is "for external use only"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
