I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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