so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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