Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
