Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
