I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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