I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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