Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
