Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
