the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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