dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
