you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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