i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
