Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
