would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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