I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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