Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
