trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Redeem this text for a blowjob
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
