my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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