im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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