Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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