so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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