i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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