2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
