She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
