had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
