you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
