I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
