you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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