Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
